S K Y

You are always going to leave.

You are always going to leave her.

You touched her life in a way that she will never forget you. She will never feel the same about living as she did with you. She will never smile as sweetly at anyone as she did for you. Her voice will forever lack that distinct octave when she lets out a scream for seeing you. She will never be the same again after you let her enter heaven only to push her back to hell.

You should not have held her hand then. You should not have stirred her heart. You should not have done anything when you knew in the end she will get hurt. You should have stayed still and let her live. You did it before. It should not have been a problem now.

There were so many things I wish you never did for her. Maybe then she’ll forget you easier. Maybe then this would not have been such a hard blow on her.

But you changed her life. She was a white canvass and you have colored her blue like the sky. And in return she made you the sky that she looked up too. She wished you could have been the sun and the moon too, but you didn’t linger long enough to paint those. Someone else needs to be that for her now.

And even though I resented you for bringing a storm in her life followed by a very long night, true to your role as her sky, she woke up in that long dream into a slowly brightening sky. You might have taken a part of her when you left, but you were still the reason she keeps going, and for that I am thankful.

From Burning to Ashes

For once, you were right. We were everything wrong about each other that were a mess but totally made sense. I hate admitting you are right. Specially, now.

For once, I was wrong. I knew what we were doing is a shot to the moon and I was prepared for the consequences. No one ever told me that it could hurt me to the point of wanting to die.

For once, I remember our arguments. I couldn’t see it before, but we were in some ugly fights where our sharp words cut deep into the soul. Not realizing the extent of the damage, we let it be and bled from within.

Thinking back now, I don’t remember much of our happy memories. What I recall are the moments I was angry, the moments when we were disappointed with each other, the moments that made us a couple of sad souls. There were too much of it that the happy ones were easily buried in the pile.

I’d say to people that we were not always this dysfunctional. There was a time that we loved deeply and it led us to hurt each other badly. But I should have known that nostalgia was a dirty liar that insists that things were better than they seem.

We’ve been taping plasters to a heart that is broken hoping it will start beating even without the right pieces. We tried to fit into each other but we weren’t the right cut to be together and we caused pain to one another instead.

For once, I’m glad it’s over. You can finally stop drinking yourself to a stupor so you could forget the pain I caused you. I can finally stop smoking and burning all our memories so I can move on from you.

For once, we can forgive ourselves for trying too hard only to end up hurting. We loved as passionately as the sun. And so we burned as brightly as it did.

But we weren’t the sun. We are matches burning and returning to dust after our love. Someday a phoenix will be born in our stead. Maybe then we’d fit together. Maybe we’ll be right for each other some other time. Maybe. But not for now.

The crimson fire that burned was the blood pumped in my veins giving me life.
Al Di La de la Vita (Beyond Life) | by Betsy Westendorp

I Lost You

I lost you.
Three words. Eight letters.
It sounded so normal. I even said it evenly.
But the gravity weighed on my shoulders.

I lost you.
I can say it in less than a heartbeat.
It shouldn’t mean much.
People lose something every day.

I lost you.
One day we were laughing and the next I was crying.
You were gazing at me with warmth one morning,
Then your eyes suddenly became colder than North Pole.

I lost you.
You wanted to go and I couldn’t stop you.
You turned away and never looked back.
I tried chasing you but couldn’t keep up.

I lost you.
And I thought I was gonna die.
How can I not when you are the center of my universe.
My everything revolved around you.

Still, I lost you.
But the earth kept on spinning.
Life continued and I kept on breathing.
The world didn’t end.

Yet, I lost you.
I tried my hardest to make you stay.
Fate won’t allow me to keep you.
Because you are not mine from the start.

Fear and Fright

“You know what really scares me?”

“Death?”

“No. Not even close. Death does not scare me. Its what comes after it that does. Its the though that after I die, I might never see you again. That’s what scares me. That is what makes me hold you tighter every now and then. Because I might not any time, and I dont want to leave you just yet.”

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