TIME. Just like those other instances, we’ve ran out of it.
Its always unfairly swift and short-lived,my time with you—in that life and in this too. Fate is a bit cruel don’t you think? To play this atrocious game with us knowing well how it will turn out.
But I was always happy with what little time we were allowed. I get to see you. I get to know you. I hear you laugh and cry and curse and mostly just mumble meaningless nothings and still I was grateful for those moments. I enjoy it immensely knowing that ours is limited. I was glad, I was still allowed to meet you and love you in this life.
You were worried of dying and leaving me behind. We both know that’s not our real fear. We’re afraid to get separated.I’ll love you again and I’ll love you still long after my breath is gone. How do you contain that kind of love in the afterlife? A love that defies the boundaries of time and death, where does it go?
We have not much time left.
But given the choice, I would still love you. I would want to hold you still even if its brief and fleeting. I have no regret except for the fact that I wished we had more than a moment to enjoy each other’s company.A decade or a lifetime perhaps would suffice. But even then, I’d still hope for 2 lifetimes more and I don’t think we should be greedy.
We have less time than most to love each other because even in this life or the next, we’d still give our love to each other.
I’ll see you in our next life. Don’t make me wait too long. And I wont let you be alone for long too.
You touched her life in a way that she will never forget you. She will never feel the same about living as she did with you. She will never smile as sweetly at anyone as she did for you. Her voice will forever lack that distinct octave when she lets out a scream for seeing you. She will never be the same again after you let her enter heaven only to push her back to hell.
You should not have held her hand then. You should not have stirred her heart. You should not have done anything when you knew in the end she will get hurt. You should have stayed still and let her live. You did it before. It should not have been a problem now.
There were so many things I wish you never did for her. Maybe then she’ll forget you easier. Maybe then this would not have been such a hard blow on her.
But you changed her life. She was a white canvass and you have colored her blue like the sky. And in return she made you the sky that she looked up too. She wished you could have been the sun and the moon too, but you didn’t linger long enough to paint those. Someone else needs to be that for her now.
And even though I resented you for bringing a storm in her life followed by a very long night, true to your role as her sky, she woke up in that long dream into a slowly brightening sky. You might have taken a part of her when you left, but you were still the reason she keeps going, and for that I am thankful.
For once, you were right. We were everything wrong about each other that were a mess but totally made sense. I hate admitting you are right. Specially, now.
For once, I was wrong. I knew what we were doing is a shot to the moon and I was prepared for the consequences. No one ever told me that it could hurt me to the point of wanting to die.
For once, I remember our arguments. I couldn’t see it before, but we were in some ugly fights where our sharp words cut deep into the soul. Not realizing the extent of the damage, we let it be and bled from within.
Thinking back now, I don’t remember much of our happy memories. What I recall are the moments I was angry, the moments when we were disappointed with each other, the moments that made us a couple of sad souls. There were too much of it that the happy ones were easily buried in the pile.
I’d say to people that we were not always this dysfunctional. There was a time that we loved deeply and it led us to hurt each other badly. But I should have known that nostalgia was a dirty liar that insists that things were better than they seem.
We’ve been taping plasters to a heart that is broken hoping it will start beating even without the right pieces. We tried to fit into each other but we weren’t the right cut to be together and we caused pain to one another instead.
For once, I’m glad it’s over. You can finally stop drinking yourself to a stupor so you could forget the pain I caused you. I can finally stop smoking and burning all our memories so I can move on from you.
For once, we can forgive ourselves for trying too hard only to end up hurting. We loved as passionately as the sun. And so we burned as brightly as it did.
But we weren’t the sun. We are matches burning and returning to dust after our love. Someday a phoenix will be born in our stead. Maybe then we’d fit together. Maybe we’ll be right for each other some other time. Maybe. But not for now.
“No. Not even close. Death does not scare me. Its what comes after it that does. Its the though that after I die, I might never see you again. That’s what scares me. That is what makes me hold you tighter every now and then. Because I might not any time, and I dont want to leave you just yet.”