That’s what it was/is. What else could it possibly be but utter havoc? The organize shambles flooding my mind in the wee hours of the morning. Ah, limbo!
When the world is barely alive and the silence and darkness envelops a person, making him more aware of how utterly minute and inconsequential he is compared to everything else. Or make you feel at ease and entertain the desires burried in the deep crevices of our logical selves.
At 2AM, you realize there is less noise from the throng of people. No screaming, no angry discourse, just murmurs of voices that tickles your ears like the birds of spring. There is less judgment in the crowd of tired bodies and pale faces. Maybe because they are also trapped in their on tragic travesty. There is little more courage in your veins offered by the dark. We may be afraid of the uncertainty but its outweighed by the very excitement thrumming in your skin.
There is something during this time that makes me want to leave the confines of my head but still wrap myself in the comforts of my bed.
What are you thinking?
I think about the nonsense, the past, the present, tomorrow and then 10 years from now.
I think of the love I lost at 11. And the boy who broke my heart at 13. I think of all the days I went to school and try hard to remember the people I shared them with. The blur of faces dont quite align with the names I could still recall.
I think about one stupid thing after another that I want to forget. Then I think of the if’s and maybe’s. I dwell on the endless possibilities I wasted and I have yet to open myself up to.
Then a familiar hum and suddenly I’m searching for songs I listened to when I was 15. I was a bundle of emotions waiting to explode then. What happened? What have I done?
Then a memory. A trigger. A laughter or tear may come after. What am I doing? Stop it. I’m tired. I want to sleep. Somedays you go to bed aware that you have gone to bed. Other days you just let it all go and dont even remember the moment your mind gave you reprieve. Then there’s those days where your head just cant stop and you see the early light of dawn creeping in your window.