You are always going to leave.
You are always going to leave her.
You touched her life in a way that she will never forget you. She will never feel the same about living as she did with you. She will never smile as sweetly at anyone as she did for you. Her voice will forever lack that distinct octave when she lets out a scream for seeing you. She will never be the same again after you let her enter heaven only to push her back to hell.
You should not have held her hand then. You should not have stirred her heart. You should not have done anything when you knew in the end she will get hurt. You should have stayed still and let her live. You did it before. It should not have been a problem now.
There were so many things I wish you never did for her. Maybe then she’ll forget you easier. Maybe then this would not have been such a hard blow on her.
But you changed her life. She was a white canvass and you have colored her blue like the sky. And in return she made you the sky that she looked up too. She wished you could have been the sun and the moon too, but you didn’t linger long enough to paint those. Someone else needs to be that for her now.
And even though I resented you for bringing a storm in her life followed by a very long night, true to your role as her sky, she woke up in that long dream into a slowly brightening sky. You might have taken a part of her when you left, but you were still the reason she keeps going, and for that I am thankful.