I always have fond memories of you. From the moment we met, to that awkward first date, to celebrating birthdays and Christmases and New Years together to downright celebrating the smallest achievements, I remember them.
Although, I wish I didn’t.
I remember how the early morning sun touches your face and in my eyes it lights up a crevice that I thought I buried and emptied. I remember how your hair is caressed by the spring breeze like the meadows. I remember so vividly.
I really wish I didn’t, though.
You have no idea of this gaping hole you left in me. No amount of distraction could ever fill the void that my heart is falling in to. How do I erase you from my head? From my system? From my heart? You should have taught me how to do it before you left.
Now, everything reminds me of you. Even just by breathing, I am reminded of you. Because everything of my everyday revolved around you and now that you are gone how am I supposed to keep my world in its orbit?
But I am nothing without memories of you. This reminder of the time we spent together had been what made me, Me. And although I’d sometimes wish to give it back, deep in my heart I’d never really forget it.
You hurt me. You have caused me inexplicable pain and sorrow. You fueled my anger. But despite that, you also loved me. You made me happier than anything or anyone in this world ever could. You taught me how to feel. And I had been made alive ever since.
That is why, even thought this memory might be a burden for me now, I know you always intended it to be a gift from the start.