MISTRESS ERUDITE

Women are books. They carry vast knowledge about life, love and everything in between those. They have within them this secret in nurturing just about anything. They have ways in comforting even the soul.

They are books: magnificent in their cut and illustrations as they are elegant in their content and form. A woman though endowed with all these will never be understood by all. Mostly because she is written in a language that they don’t speak.

There will be some who will understand parts of her because they are similar in a way, some who will emulate and even imitate the best parts of her, some who will highlight a sentence or two, add-in their own version of her originality and then there are those who will rip pages from her and take with them. All of these will define her, eventually.

And then someone will come, they will pick her from the pile, dust-off her dirtied cover, open her and understand what is written even if they don’t speak the same. They will leaf through the pages of her wisdom and indulge in the beauty of her intelligence. They will caress her and memorize line from her stories.

Women are books. They hold a world inside them. Don’t read them if you aren’t adventurous. Don’t read them if you are afraid to be enlightened. Don’t read them carelessly and aimlessly. They are books that can be a burden. So unless you don’t mind the weight of responsibility, I suggest you put it down and let someone else more deserving to carry them.

 

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One More Light [Linkin Park: Chester Bennington]

My introduction to Linkin Park was back in 2000. I heard “In The End” playing on the radio. No, I heard it playing everywhere. It was an anthem for the teenage angst of that year along with “Crawling” and “Points of Authority”.

Back in those days, I did not understand nor appreciate the screaming voice popular in the alternative genre. A child does not usually comprehend the depth of lyrics, yet.

In 2003, they released their best-selling album to date with Meteora which included tracks that resonated personally to me. I knew by heart the lyrics to “Numb”, “Faint”, “Somewhere I Belong” and “Breaking The Habit”.

At this juncture, I have become a fan of the band and followed their releases closely. The songs resonate a darker part of my heart and it comforted me in a way that they give voice to that silence I nurse.

As a teenager, Linkin Park was a constant in my playlist. They introduced me to the world of Alternative-Rock and they have been one of my most beloved band ever since.

My musical genre is by no means narrow. I listen to classicals, jazz, blues, ballads, French Music, Latino, JPop,and Kpop to name a few.

But as I said, the voice of Chester singing “Iridiscent” or “Leave Out All the Rest” or “Shadow of the Day” or even “Until It’s Gone” continues to echo a part of me I rarely communicate to.

There is a reason why I would never read 13 Reasons Why and why I would never see it, ever. Because thats a trigger I dont want in my life.

Mental health issues are real. People need to understand that like many sickness, it is real and its plaguing our society. More so in this point in time than any other time in human history. Stop turning a blind eye on mental health! Its real and it needs to be confronted. Stop the stigma about mental health!

It had been a beautiful run, Chester. Your voice inspired many people and I’m sorry we could not do the same for you when you needed it. I know there is not rest in suicide but at the very least, things that haunted you in this life, I hope you dont get them in your next.

One More Light
Linkin Park

THE TIME YOU HAVE TO LOVE IS FINITE

You play about it like you have endless tomorrows. You keep to yourself what your heart truly desires. You keep holding back. Satisfied with the crumbs you get.

Don’t. Don’t  be like that. You have not enough time to be alive, let alone be in love. Dont take it for granted. Time is a cruel enemy. Even more ruthless than reality. Because reality maybe altered. But time isn’t as flexible.

You don’t have the luxury to hesitate on the things you know could make you happy. Live now. One day you are 10 trying to be friends with everyone in school. The next you are 18 trying to smoke, drink and have sex. Tomorrow you might be 35 hating the world and regretting all the chances you wasted. The day after, you might be 60 wondering where all the time went and the love you had at 5 was.

You cannot always trust to have time in your hand. Some of us are lucky to have a year more. Others don’t even have a month left. So take advantage of time you have. Maybe that’s all you’ll ever have. Whether it is enough depends on you.

Kimi no Na Wa | Tachibana Taki x Miyamizu Mitsuha

2 AM Atrocity

Chaos.

That’s what it was/is. What else could it possibly be but utter havoc? The organize shambles flooding my mind in the wee hours of the morning. Ah, limbo!

When the world is barely alive and the silence and darkness envelops a person, making him more aware of how utterly minute and inconsequential he is compared to everything else. Or make you feel at ease and entertain the desires burried in the deep crevices of our logical selves.

At 2AM, you realize there is less noise from the throng of people. No screaming, no angry discourse, just murmurs of voices that tickles your ears like the birds of spring. There is less judgment in the crowd of tired bodies and pale faces. Maybe because they are also trapped in their on tragic travesty.  There is little more courage in your veins offered by the dark. We may be afraid of the uncertainty but its outweighed by the very excitement thrumming in your skin.

There is something during this time that makes me want to leave the confines of my head but still wrap myself in the comforts of my bed.

What are you thinking?

I think about the nonsense, the past, the present, tomorrow and then 10 years from now.

I think of the love I lost at 11. And the boy who broke my heart at 13. I think of all the days I went to school and try hard to remember the people I shared them with. The blur of faces dont quite align with the names I could still recall.

I think about one stupid thing after another that I want to forget. Then I think of the if’s and maybe’s. I dwell on the endless possibilities I wasted and I have yet to open myself up to.

Then a familiar hum and suddenly I’m searching for songs I listened to when I was 15. I was a bundle of emotions waiting to explode then. What happened? What have I done?

Then a memory. A trigger. A laughter or tear may come after. What am I doing? Stop it. I’m tired. I want to sleep. Somedays you go to bed aware that you have gone to bed. Other days you just let it all go and dont even remember the moment your mind gave you reprieve. Then there’s those days where your head just cant stop and you see the early light of dawn creeping in your window.

What are you thinking?
Where are your thoughts taking you?

End of the Road [Dialogue Diaries]

Him: I didnt think we’d end up here.

Her: And where is that?

Him: Going at each other trying to inflict the most damage with our sharp words.

Her: We were so in love.

Him: We still are. Love was never what we lacked.

Her: But we are not the type of people who sustains their relationship with love alone.

Him: But I love you.

Her: I love you too.

Him: But this is not working anymore. We’re not working anymore.

Her: I know.

Text has no relation whatsoever with the picture or the anime.
Kuzu no Honkai [HANABI YASURAOKA] | (c) Kamisei Hana

Writing an Abomination [Dialogue Diaries]

Them: You stopped writing?

Her: I hope I did.

Them: What do you mean?

Her: I wish I could stop writing. Stop trying to pen every damn emotion he makes me feel. Going from so in love to so sad to so angry because its him. Always him. Every fucking time, its him.

Them: Write about something else.

Her: Dont you think I tried?

Them: What happened?

Her: It never sounds right. The fake undertones of pieces I write not related to him are souless and lacking and incompetent. How do you expect me to keep writing that kind of abomination?

Who are you?
It’s Hard Being A Girl

Confessions [Dialogue Diaries]

Her: I’m sorry to bother you like this.

Him: No. I was waiting for you.

Her: I have something important to tell you.

Him: I know.

Her: You see, I’ve always … ahh, I’ve always, always … ahm.

Him: Yes, go on.

Her: I like seeing you play on the field. And I always see you during lunch goofing off with the team.

Him: I’ve noticed.

Her: I’m not a stalker or a creep. I swear it was nothing like that.

Him: I know. But you were saying something else earlier.

Her: I … I dont think I can do this!

Him: Yes, you can. So continue what you were saying.

Her: I’m sorry, I cant!

Him: You’ve already come this far so might as well say it.

Her: You’re too close. And your hand is warm.

Him: Am I making you nervous? Shall I step back for you to continue?

Her: No! I … the thing is … I LIKE YOU!

Him: Now look at me and say it one more time.

Her: I cant! I barely managed to say it. And its so hard to look at you.

Him: Look into my eyes and say it to me once more.

Her: I … Like you. Very much.

Him: That’s my girl. Good job.

Am I making you nervous?
Ichijoji Teika x Aigasaki Kohana | Magic-Kyun Renaissance

Tell Me Your Monster

I wanna know of the creature you hide in slumber. Who is it you see when you look in your mirror? Is it human? Or a monster? Tell me who you are when you are not trying to be anyone but your own demon.

When you peel off all the earthly materials that decorate you, who are you? I want to know. The scars you hide in that concealer. The monster you let thrive with all those lies. How are they? With time, do you forget them or constantly remember? I wonder.

You think you’re the only one with a monster. Dont be conceited, everyone has their own battle with their demon. We all put on a face that the world acknowledges and ponder. Because we all have a darkness that even the world cannot conquer.

I have a secret, do you want to hear? But thats not something you would want in your ear. You cannot unheard this once you know. So brace yourself to the onslaught of voices in a row.

I am the monster that the world created. In my attempts to build a life of lies my demon and I have blurred and merged. I wish you chose differently when the world forces you to change. I’m telling you my monster. That monster is me.

So tell me, are you your own monster?

Breathing but I dont think I am alive.
Untitled | by Takahiro Hirabayashi

She’s Crazy and so Am I [Dialogue Diaries]

Them: Why do you even like her? She’s crazy.

Him: I think her kind of crazy is very attractive.

Them: You’re insane too. Whatever is attractive about being mental?

Him: The things she says that I dont understand makes me try hard. She describes life in hues of greens and yellows and oranges when all I could see were blacks and whites. I am blind to this world that she experiences but excited for her to show me the way.

Them: If you are blind, doesn’t that scare you?

Him: Why would I fear? A girl like her who isn’t afraid to be different in this world of scathing opinions is a breath of fresh air. I want to learn what drowns all the worlds’ noise in her head.

Them: That’s crazy. You’re out of your mind too.

Him: I dont need you to understand her, that is what I am here for. But I would rather you dont poison her with your judgment. And love is supposed to be crazy, consuming and complex. Anything less than that is a shame, dont you think?

She has her own world. I want to enter it too.
Beyond the Boundary | Akihito Kanbara x Mirai Kuriyama

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